You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!
by Dark Seeker Assassin
Summary: Harry had always been unlucky, sometimes his luck took a down turn, and when it did, well, there was just no stopping it. Still, stuck in a cell after being arrested by the muggle police, Harry couldn't help but wonder, where the hell is the Order?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J K Rowling

A/N: this will be a short fic, it just jumped into my head and I can't resist x) its based in the summer before Harry's sixths year – Sirius isn't dead (I love his character too much, besides, its fanfiction) I kind of sticks to cannon…mostly

**You have got to be kidding me!**

Chapter 1

Harry sighed, staring up at the vast, star filled sky. He had fast developed the habit of wondering around late at night, just to think and avoid his relatives; the quiet cool air was soothing. He'd only been _home _for two weeks, two long, dull weeks, with nothing to distract his thoughts from everything, from the war, from his friends, from the prophecy…

That was the main reason he took to the midnight walks, Harry had always known there was a reason for Voldemort's fixation with him, but to find out he was doomed before he was even born…fate hated him. Some things couldn't be helped however, and Harry was slowly coming to terms with the harsh reality of his life, deep down Harry had always known, in a strange sense, but knowing he had no choice…kill or be killed…he shook his head, sometimes he dwelled on things too long.

Returning to his relatives' house this year hadn't been so bad, after Moody's threat the Dursleys just ignored him, he wasn't even asked to do any chores. The only downside was the amount of time he now had to spare, hours of doing nothing, sitting around wasting the summer away. This year was the first year Harry had completed _all_ his summer assignments before he was 'rescued', and he hadn't even got his OWL results yet, not to mention the fact that he wouldn't continue all the subjects next year. He even did History of Magic, and that was a _real_ struggle.

His friends letters didn't distract him for long, just reminded him of the Department of Mysteries incident. They had been lucky not to suffer any fatalities, but his friends ended up bearing the worst of the injuries. Harry still remembered in slow motion as Sirius started falling towards the veil, his summoning spell had saved his godfather just in time, but it had been too close for comfort. Ironic how he came to save Sirius, ended up walking into a trap, and then saved him in the end, yet still Padfoot was a wanted criminal. At least the wizarding world was acknowledging the threat of Voldemort now, as of yet no major attacks had happened, but it was only a matter of time.

Perhaps it was his preoccupation with his thoughts that Harry didn't immediately see them, but the bright luminous jackets soon attracted his attention. Several uniform police officers where fast approaching him, and they didn't look like they were going to pass him by.

Freezing suddenly and glancing around, Harry couldn't see anything immediately wrong. Could they be Death Eaters? Purebloods didn't generally know how to put on one decent muggle outfit, never mind whole uniforms…but Harry didn't exactly know what the Death Eaters were capable of. Torture was a great incentive for research, and these people didn't look friendly.

_Where the hell is my guard?_ He was always followed, it changed every night depending on who was stuck on duty, but he could _really _use some support now. Harry couldn't always tell who was minding him, people such as Tonks were easy to guess with her clumsy nature, but he'd had other, quieter guards, and he hadn't heard anyone tonight. _This is not good. _

What if they really were muggle police? He was wearing his cousins huge clothes and walking around alone, late at night, hardly inconspicuous. With the words 'Constant Vigilance' ringing in his ears and facing the possibility of just standing as he was ambushed by Voldemort's minions, Harry tried to discreetly reach for his wand.

That was his first mistake.

Harry barely had time to touch the smooth wood before the police rapidly ran towards him. Smashing into the unforgiving concrete underfoot with two officers on top of him, the air was suddenly forced out his lungs. Harry was only vaguely aware of an officer yelling "he's got a gun, he's got a gun!"

Needless to say, there was no doubt that this was just the muggle police force, not that _that _fact helped. Forcefully flipped over and having handcuffs fixed round his wrists before he had a chance to do anything, Harry only stared at the pavement in numb shock, _why the hell are they arresting me? _

"What are you doing? I haven't done anything!" Harry yelled, panic was clear in his voice, he almost wanted to wince had the obvious quiver as he spoke.

"Search him, you never know what he could have on him."

After a somewhat embarrassing search as the officers removed his wand and an old Owl Treats wrapper, they set him back on his feet. Harry could only watch helplessly as they handed his wand over to another officer and walked off with it, he half contemplated struggling to get it back, but that course of action didn't seem wise in the current situation.

"Sorry about that, but we have reason to believe you were linked to the fire deliberately started three blocks away on Reblen Avenue. My name is Officer Herret, and this is my colleague Officer Kane, what is your name and why are you out here at" Glancing at his watch "One twenty nine in the morning?" His tone was polite, matter of fact, and Harry couldn't help wonder why he bothered apologising, seeing as they hadn't taken the cuffs off him.

Deciding that if he co-operated, his guard might actually show and help him, plus they might let him go, _though he doubted it_, it was best not to make the situation worse. Seeing the approaching police vehicle didn't do anything to calm his nerves. "My names Harry James Potter and-"

"Wait, your that young offender which lives a few blocks down aren't you" Kane cut in, suddenly tightening his already firm grip on his arm.

_Oh you have got to be kidding me, those lies actually stuck…this is getting a whole lot worse. _"Err no, I'm not a young offender-" Harry barely had a chance to start before he was cut off, steadily feeling intensely uneasy…

"Then what school are you enrolled in, you still go to school don't you?" Herret asked, he still had a polite attitude, but even Harry could see he was getting suspicious.

"Of course I still go to school, I go to…" _Oh Merlin, can I say Hogwarts? Muggles don't even know it exists, think, lie, anything _"…Silverside School." Even Harry knew that that pause was too long to go unnoticed.

"You go to Silverside School? Silverside? You are aware that it's the local _primary_ school aren't you?" It was almost mocking, _what the hell possessed me to say that._

Harry could have sworn there and then, talk about digging yourself deeper into a hole. Officer Herret just shook his head and muttered something into his radio, clearly he didn't believe him, _no one in their right mind would…_

"Alright, seeing as you can't answer that question, why don't you start by telling us why your here, on this street, at this time of night?"

"I was just walking, thinking over some things…" Harry just trailed off; this was practically a lost cause.

The two officers shared a look before Herret turned and spoke quickly to another colleague. Without warning he came back and quickly shone a light in his eyes. "His pupils are dilated, could be drunk, could be drugs...Have you drank or taken anything recently?"

"No! I haven't taken anything, I don't drink…" Harry trailed of as he brought a weird looking device out. _Oh hell no, that damn pain relieving potion I took! _His scar had been bothering him earlier and he had taken a mild pain reliever. Harry had been sent home with a few potions to help if the pain in his scar became unbearable, with strict instruction on how not to overdose. He'd only taken one in three days. _How long does a magical potion remain in someone's system?_

"This is a breathalyser" Officer Herret then proceeded to tell him how it worked and how it monitored the alcohol content of his blood. Taking a deep breath and blowing into the peculiar object till he was told to stop, at least this was something he could pass. The guy eventually walked off to talk to someone, probably a superior.

"Right, we have reason to believe you are linked to the Reblen fire, and as such you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?

Harry almost spluttered as he was dragged towards the waiting police vehicle, this was too embarrassing for words and the number of neighbours watching… but he had worse things to worry about, _like the fact he was currently being arrested_. After a pointed glare from the officer he knew as Kane, Harry muttered a yes before the car door was shut and he was slowly driven off.

OoOoO

Harry watched the needle come towards him reproachfully. He remembered his childhood inoculations all to well, they didn't really hurt, but as a child everything was blown out of proportion, and now they wanted to take some of his blood. Harry practically screwed his eyes shut as images from the graveyard assaulted him.

They were testing him for drugs, _drugs_! And he might have a magical potion in his system, this could end badly, knowing his luck, it would.

There was no doubt about it, Harry knew he was out of the wards protection, and not only that, but he didn't have a wand. The Dursley's hadn't helped his situation either, and they'd given the police permission to do whatever they needed to do, his Uncle would probably be hosting a small party tomorrow.

After taking some swab of his mouth to test his DNA for evidence, Harry was led to a small empty cell with just a bed and toilet within and left. _Where the hell is the Order?_

A/N: I think the police saying : you have a right to remain silent… is only in America, but its fanfiction, not everything I write will be accurate, I've never been arrested so I'm kind of guessing as to the procedure and stuff, but yeah…police probably don't act like that, but I doubt I'm going to go research all the laws…just live with it people.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, J K Rowling does

Chapter 2

Tonks cursed rather loudly under her breath, having tripped once again over that stupid troll leg at the door, gratefully however, old Mrs Black seemed to have remained silent. Ignoring the pointed glare from Molly, someone who was looking far too lively for the time of day, she dumped herself beside her dear cousin Sirius, who likes her, seemed dead on his feet. "Watcher Paddy!"

Nothing a bit of coffee couldn't fix, hopefully…

For Mad Eye Moody's protégé, she tended to be stuck with the dullest of jobs. Today was once again, what everyone called 'Harry Duty,' a long, almost pointless job. _A job _not appreciated by the workers, effectively anyone who was unfortunate enough to get roped in, and the subject, who tended to avoid them by any means possible; Harry didn't even open his bedroom curtains anymore. 'Harry Duty' was fast turning into a game of cat and mouse, why attempt to follow a teenager who is equipped with an invisibility cloak?

Still, she was stuck waiting for Dung to arrive back and report, if something happened to Harry when he was on watch that fool would probably run then fight. Having an untrained criminal on duty seemed rather irresponsible…especially after last year, but the Order was far too understaffed.

Ten minutes later the sound of the door opening and someone stumbling about meet them, along with the startled awakening of Mrs Black.

"MUDBLOODS, FILTH, DISTROYING MY HOME, THE GREAT AND ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK DISGRACED-"

Yelling over the din of the portrait and Sirius, Tonks asked "HOWS HARRY? NO PROBLEMS?"

"AYE, AYE, YER BOYS FINE, LAD WALKIN ABOT AGAIN BUT PAR FROM THA'" Politely ignoring the heavy smell of firewhisky and cheap cigars wafting off him, Tonks set out, closing the door on the racket still ensuing within.

Eight hours of sitting on a wall then.

OoOoO

With a slight click the recorder started working, not an old machine with tapes, too outdated these days, but some fancy looking thing, humming away as it collected evidence.

Harry almost wanted to scream, one long, rather uncomfortable night in a cell, and now he was being questioned, not only that, but he knew he wasn't capable of answering half of them. The two officers opposite him didn't particularly appear interested in the procedure, both nursing cups of coffee and smiling rather falsely at him.

Harry only recognised one, Officer Herret, who had arrested him early this morning, he had introduced the other briefly, but the name hadn't stuck with him. Harry was still in a state of shook, most words just weren't registering with him.

"So, let's get started then…do you request the presence of a lawyer? Your family stated that they were unable to come in today."

Staring back blankly Harry eventually shook his head, muttering a quiet no. _What good would a lawyer do for me?_ _Not to mention the Dursleys, just as well they haven't come, imagine the lies they would spill…_

"Right then, please confirm that on the 19th of July you were found at one twenty-nine am on-"

The door opened again, a puffing police officer asking for Herret and the other guy, he'd been running to the looks of it, red faced and breathing harshly. Stopping the machine after announcing a break they both left…_great, back to the solitude._

Harry stared blankly across the room, hopefully the Order would come for him soon…that or something had happened to them…_its Dung or someone's fault, they'll realise soon enough…_

OoOoO

Picking up the drill and positioning it over the carefully secured piece of wood Matt leaned down gently, applying pressure as the steel touched its polished surface. The horrible sound of screeching soon reached his ears however and he was forced to stop yet again, definitely not something wrong with the drill then.

The first time it happened he had disregarded it as faulty equipment, steel against wood? But admittedly, clearly he had to re-examine it. Coming into work at the lab today seemed like every other day. Everyday new evidence was presented to him, and everyday he carried out test after test.

But today was _not_ normal.

It had seemed normal, recording fingerprints and photographs of numerous objects, at least it was until he reached object 17C 98L. Taking photos and examining it for finger prints…a stick, it was just a stick.

Or so it seemed.

But what he found within the varnish...it was no ordinary polished stick. All sorts of things turned up, half the substances couldn't be identified and a good few traces of obscure powders had been recovered…not that they were any drugs the team had ever seen. Dave had been baffled, thirty years of work and they'd never come across things like this.

The object, whatever it was, had a sinister history…blood was found at different layers but the results still needed to be processed. Apparently the guys down at the neighbouring lab had there own problems, he still remembered the conversation he had a lunchtime.

"_How's it going Matt? Turned up anything interesting today? You'll never guess what we turned up recently!"_

"_Nah, just the usual stuff so far, slow week." Matt dumped himself down in a chair next to Sophie, the café wasn't so busy yet, but the lunch rush would soon start. Dave wanted lunch later, guy was still fussing over some knife brought in yesterday. _

"_Oh, we've had the usual__, load of drink driving charges and whatnot coming people's way. Few drugs too, that new stuff is starting to turn up here…some unlucky soul died from it, that'll be in the newspapers soon…" She took a sip of coffee. "That's not the really interesting thing though, some punter we had brought in last night has been taking lord knows what…never seen anything like it. Must've run a few hundred tests on it…can't get it to turn up anything on the machines…really weird too, every time we run the blood through the machine it malfunctions…its almost…unnatural."_

_Sophie sat her cup down on the table. "That's not the real issue though…you heard about the NightKale murders last month…?"_

_Matt lifted an eyebrow, setting his cutlery down "Heard of it? Its all over the news, can't miss it, whole trail of cases like it, can't be explained, brutal killings…" He shook his head in disgust._

"_Oh yes, the second we ran that blood though the system it got flagged instantly…caught one mean bastard last night…haven't been able to get much out the people upstairs but this guys been linked to 4 rapes and 32 accounts of vicious murders over just the last year. Apparently it's a kid! He's been present at every single one of these…attacks."_

"_They caught the__m?" Matt exclaimed._

_Sophie nodded "We've only caught the one guy, but it's a huge breakthrough considering the recent dead ends we've been running into, the guy was down in the local holding cells last night, thought it was just a case of arson. Got three teams leafing through missing files from the area he was found." She shook her head "Lives not too far from here."_

Matt stared at the would-be stick, what on earth was it? And what was its purpose? Clearly someone had gone to great lengths to clean and polish it…

Motive. _Drugs? Money?_ None of those thoughts fit, who did this object belong to?

A/N: Bit of a while since I've updated this x) Well, Voldemort _did _use Harry's blood for his resurrection, and magical blood would be stronger than a dead muggle bone, despite the relation…Gah, wizards ignore the basic laws of biology in transfiguration, magic works in strange ways people.


End file.
